Normally airports put me in quite a cheerful mood. They're gateways to possibility.

This trip I'm not so up beat.

It's not a journey to a funeral, or something else suitably moribund. No, it's just off. I think the difference is actually rather soppy.

I miss my old lady. I've grown so used to travelling with her, experiencing things together, and having another person I can truly talk to.

Wandering through the shopping mall section of Schipol with a combination of wonder and sneering holds no appeal if I'm doing it alone. Watching the countryside go by inspires no joy.

I feel like I'm missing out on properly experiencing these things. As if I need someone to share them with to make them real. This doesn't mean validation - I mean that it doesn't feel like there's a fun experience to be had without company to enjoy it with. It's all being viewed through a lens of what we can't do rather than what I can experience.

Arguably this is a good thing but it doesn't change the fact that I can't talk through the fun things we could do here. It's just not the same without my best friend. Hmph.

Perhaps I should save myself some time by following Harry Biscuit's example and inventing an automatic sulking machine. I don't have his gift for integrating swans into the design though!

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