I tend to keep an eye out for people discussing Gorkamorka online. I actually have a search alert setup with Google so when new content appears I get emailed as soon as it’s indexed.

As a result I’ve seen various people over the last few years sorting out their own campaigns and house ruling things. Sometimes I approve, but mostly it confuses me. The rules for GoMo aren’t that complicated, mostly, and the stuff that gets house ruled most often seems to be the stuff that is easiest!

A prime example and one that annoys me every time I see it is vehicle capacities. If you didn’t know Gorkamorka uses WYSIWYG vehicle capacities, meaning your vehicle needs to physically accommodate your models.

To put in in terms of Dr. Cox from Scrubs (R.I.P.):


Dr. Cox

Did you actually just page me to find out how much Tylenol to give to Mrs. Lensner?

JD

I was worried it could exacerbate the patient's…

Dr. Cox

It’s regular strength Tylenol. Here's what you do: get her to open her mouth, take a handful and throw it at her. Whatever sticks - that's the correct dosage!

Place the warriors on the vehicle. However many fit – THAT’S THE CAPACITY.

Instead I see people trying to put fixed numbers on it to “make it fair” or “for balance”.

No.

In Gorkamorka a bigger vehicle holds more warriors. It also is harder to manoeuvre, much more likely to clip things, and is far easier to board. There’s the disadvantages. Deal with it.

This is also what I think of as the “Don’t play with douchebags” rule. If you really want to win at GoMo then grab a load of Ork boyz and give them choppas. Spam the enemy and you will, statistically, win. There’s no real fun in that for anyone else though and, let’s be honest, it’s not exactly an exciting tactic.

If people want to have ridiculously huge vehicles and ruin the game, stop playing with them. They’re just going to make life miserable for you throughout the campaign in all likelihood. Play in the spirit of the game and encourage others to do the same – fun will follow.

Lastly, don’t get me started on people trying to remove flesh wounds and “Down” from the game. This isn’t 40K, stop it.

Grrr…