Well, it's official, I am once again single.

I should probably be upset or depressed, but I feel pretty good. It wasn't my fault and I don't think I did anything spectacularly wrong, maybe I was actually horrible or something but from what I was told I'm in the clear. There's always the possibility I was utterly lied to, of course but there's little point in losing sleep about that.

I now harbour some ill-will towards Nicoletta though, not for ending our relationship but for not replying to an email I sent her shortly after the conversation we had (I was barely given a chance to talk to her, she retreated to some other urgent commitment, real or imaginary). I don't blame her for running off, although I consider it rather unfair. What I dislike is not getting any response to what I sent her. I wanted some closure so we could get on with our lives, evidently that was a little too much to ask for. I don't imagine I'm going to receive any kind of pleasant response following this blog entry but it doesn't really matter now, does it? That ship has sailed.

Either way, when things were good between us I really enjoyed our relationship, other times it was fairly stressful. I never really got comfortable though, it always felt like she was about a minute away from cracking and losing her mind. Perhaps one day her life will be calmer and less likely to cause death by stress, either way, lots of the time it wasn't her fault but I still didn't want to be on the receiving end of that. I've been in a car with someone who's had quite a few drinks and I didn't fear that we'd get home safely. Being in a car when she's wound up is by far much scarier, especially when there's nothing I could do or say that would make things better.

Just a moment, got to turn this record over.

I'm listening to my copy of "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon & Garfunkel. I've no idea whether that's a camp choice of music or not and, to be frank, I've little interest in any negative remarks about my taste in music.

I'm specifically listening to this on vinyl for the slight crackling of the record. It's really comforting and provides a vague link to the film High Fidelity, one of my favourite films, possibly even sneaking into my top three films. I should really consider making it a top five if its going to be in there though, given the prominence of lists of five in it.

A meandering tale of the life of Rob Gordon, a record shop owner. It has many comedy elements but for me it's barely a comedy, it's an interesting story covering commitment issues, love, breakups and music.

The characters in the record shop - Rob (John Cusack), Barry (Jack Black) and Dick (Todd Louiso) discuss music in a way I could. I wish I could hang around with people and absorb the kind of knowledge they have of music. I simply don't understand music the way they do and I really wish I did. I know they're fictional entities, but I'm sure people like them exist and I wish I could absorb some of their knowledge on music.

When I watch High Fidelity, released in 2000, I think of the many subtle but big differences between the world in the film and the world I live in. For a start, there are no mobile phones. Calls are made to and from landlines exclusively - mobile phones change the way relationship matters pan out quite considerably. If someone calls my phone they get me or they get nothing. In the film if Laura calls Rob at his store she stands a good chance of having to go through Barry or Dick. Similarly, when Rob calls Laura at work he may well speak to Liz first. There's a more public element to communication, rather than the more private nature of mobile phones. No texting either, come to that.

Another important difference is the mix tapes used in the film - if I want to give someone a mixtape, how would I go about doing it? Tapes were fairly rugged, tangible and tactile. There was enough room on the cover for some art. Our digitised music, by comparison, is far less personal. My parents had mix tapes, my sisters had mix tapes. Me, what do I have? How do I give music to someone?

It's odd watching the film - much like some sci-fi films are set "five minutes in the future" it feels like it's set five minutes in the past. In an adult world I will never experience, something I'm partly glad of but also partly mournful about. In some ways I would have liked to experience that world.

0 responses to "Ends and Music"

Leave a Reply