I'm often filled annoyed by the fact that my world feels increasingly headless. It would be nice if occasionally I didn't feel like the world needs me to do something to fix things. What I mean by that is that lots of people I meet moan about things that need someone competent to take charge and sort them out.
I don't feel I'm anywhere near competent enough lots of the time, but counter-balancing that is the fact that, at least in my experiences since leaving school, if I don't take charge, no one else will.
This isn't just true of my life on a day to day level, it's true of how I feel about the world. The only person I feel I can trust to be in control is my father. Even then, he's just one man. Who does he turn to?
The British government feels headless to me - we have no charismatic leader who projects a calm air of competence. I can't say I remember Thatcher but from what I've read she had this quality, but then again all I ever hear from people about her is the negative aspects of her
government. It wouldn't be so bad if the people doing the bitching were actually old enough to have been alive as adults during her time!
I've little knowledge of her policies but I imagine I'd probably take issue with them, just as I have done with every British government I've experienced. I think both Labour and the Tories suck.
For this reason I feel that voting is pointless. I don't want either of the realistic options. I live in what I feel is essentially a totalitarian regime without the benefits if a strong leader!
This of course extends to my personal life. I'm interested in dating a woman, not a girl. I feel like most of the women I've got to know are not in control of their lives. A scant few are and I hold them in high regard because of it. It would be nice to date someone who would actually hold together under pressure, evidently that is but a pipe dream though.
The phrasing that springs to mind is "I'm your partner, not your father". Whilst I can provide a shoulder to cry on (badly, a lack of empathy is a serious hindrance) I am not here to solve your problems, fight your battles or absorb your frustrations. Similarly I don't expect to dump my problems on you, they are mine to deal with.
I guess I want someone who is in control of their life, mentally. It doesn't matter if they surf the chaos, that's more what I want than a control freak.
I don't like having to tone down myself in order to not put pressure on someone. I am me, I have a huge ego and a deficit of care for most things. If I actually care and say so, that is a big deal. Perhaps others dole it out everywhere - I do not.
I look for hope and positive qualities in most people I meet and I'm constantly saddened by their absence.